Monday, November 19, 2012


Sometimes even when it has been a long, long day at work filled with big drives through pouring rain to hard meetings, sometimes your child will not fuss when you pick him up in the evening.  He'll be ready to go and the transition will land lightly on him.  He will endure the errands on the way home happily and participate in the birthday present buying without fuss.  He will take with good grace the information that you are only buying things for other people tonight.

When the package on the front step is a book for you instead of a toy for him he will cheerfully say "look, a book for you" and hand it over.  He will have self directed play, and then he will eat dinner without complaining and without running around.  Sometimes you and he will make up a song about salmon, and then get out all his salmon books to look at them.  Sometimes you will not mind drawing the outlines of salmon for him to color in.  He will go to bed without chasing around the house and fall straight to sleep.

Maybe he will sleep all night.  Maybe he won't.  Maybe tomorrow will be the same; probably it won't.  But, maybe.  Sometimes you will see, just a little, that the things you are trying to teach him are sticking, at least a little.  And you'll watch him make them better; his own.

It's a little bit of an upside down week for us.  Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday, but, of course now it also is the anniversary of Will's death.  So, you know.


Eb said...

sending love and hugs.

Kate said...

Oh how i love this post.
It seems the hard stuff comes, for us, with some surprise, even when it is not surprising. And when it is good, instead, it is rather remarkable. Almost as if we are afraid to talk about it, afraid to wreck the strange alchemy of whateveritis that makes it possible.
how amazing to see your little person growing and changing, so fabulously maddeningly non linear. just like us.

I've been thinking of you and thinking of you, and how holidays get redefined. It makes me think that perhaps you can choose another day for a different kind of thanksgiving-- one without anniversaries. Maybe one that begins with pie.

such love to you
always always

Mad Hatter said...

Beautiful post, Elizabeth. Bittersweet and lovely. Thinking of you and Will and Liam.

Mad Hatter said...

Beautiful post, Elizabeth.
Thinking of you and Will and Liam...