Thursday, August 11, 2011

43


There are still some things in the closet that I haven't worn since Will died;I brought one out yesterday.  This keeping track, I guess, is one of my ways of remembering.  The day (finally) I changed the sheets on Will's bed.  The day I (finally) washed the last tee-shirt that smelled exactly like he used to smell.  The last time we cooked outside, ate ravioli, picked blueberries, ran through the sprinkler, drove this way in the car, I'll think, Will was alive.

The driving ambushes me the worst; there have been times, usually on longer drives when I'm by myself, that I'll just stop the car and pull to the side of the road and tear and stare and concentrate on breathing and wonder: how did I do all that; how can we go on.  Watch the sky.

It is his birthday this weekend.  He would have been 43.  Same as me in December.    

4 comments:

Mad Hatter said...

Hugs to you. You are an amazing woman.
Love,
Maddy

Eb said...

Your words are extremely touching. Sending you lots of love.
E

Lisa said...

I'm so sorry Elizabeth. I understand what you mean. There are so many things that trigger memories and so many "firsts". It's heartbreaking. All I can do some days is breath in and breath out. This summer has been hard. I wish that I had some magic wand that could make it better for us. Big, big hugs to you!

Lisa

Sandrant said...

Thinking of you.